The Book of Tragedies

You're my friend ...

I remember you.

our best friend ...

we can trust you ...

right ?

"I actually like it here, a lot ... too much, probably ... i never really want to leave

I just have to ...

I don't ... belong here"

I just want to ... this place feels like home ...

"What's wrong ?" your eyes are piercing, hungry ...

"you don't want to be here ?" I taste bad candy

"What ... ? No ... nothing ... of course I do ... that's not what I mean ... I ..."

we all lie

"are you okay ?"

I'm a pretty bad one

I'm also pretty bad at it

"yeah, I'm okay"

but I was based in truth

we omit

us

I sit on the bed next to you

"It doesn't matter any more

Why does it matter, nothing matters anymore ... right ? "

you stand and begin to pace

"I mean, we've already gone too far. "

you're frozen facing away from me, gazing to the window,

wide eyed at first but then pulled to a tactical squint

reading me, like a book as I sit disarmed, yet at attention

I can only see your neck thaw as you turn to face me before your ice chains shatter and both our freedoms are restored

I hold out my hand

you move

like a compulsion at first

then slowly

carefully

but not afraid

I feel my outstretched hand go warm with the touch of your waist

on your knees now straddling my body

electric fingertips erasing the static as they grasp both sides of my skull

I look up to you from here

"are you sure ?"

You're my friend ...

I remember you.

our best friend ...

we can trust you ...

with anything ...

even ... me ...

so you can have me...

just be careful, I'm all I've got

"Just don't lie to me, be deliberate, be real. You are the book I want to read. We want to learn you."

"We?"

"We want to learn us. Together"

my right hand moves lightly from your side to the small of your back as we drag your shirt over your head onto the floor.

your back arches a little as you raise to tease a taste of your lips just out of reach

and you smile

extremely cute, in a tragic way

"I want to taste you"

We did this to ourselves ...

she moans, feral,

mouth watering,

ready, to be devoured

my left hand anchors me— as my right moves up your neck,

fingers threading into your hair, gripping, guiding you back to me—

pulling it taut, I suggest—confidently—your lips no longer be out of reach

you taste of sweetness as we move together,

my lips on your skin as I savor this delicacy

this delicacy— you

I stand you in my arms

I love seeing you smile

you use your whole face

it's beautiful when it's real

You're weightless in my arms as I turn and guide us toward the bed.

Now as you lie down on your side I shield your body with the outline of mine as I drag my eyelashes across your skin.

I close them and they tickle your cheek.

A light shudder emanates from your body as you grasp yourself and you feel the warmth of my lips, my breath. My mouth finds your skin, your neck, your shoulder—learning you in pieces, in breaths, in quiet focus ... My hand glides through your hair, releasing the tension as my fingers brush what's left so I can see your smile that the hair had the audacity to accidentally hide.

I work my way down your body with one hand memorizing your outline.

Bracing myself,

watching you.

How you move, how you feel, how you breathe.

I sense warmth radiate from you.

My hand drifts, my lips follow—gentle, I see all of you

My eyes explore as I descend your body. Every imperfect perfection.

Your hand startles me—fingers at my neck, pulling me closer.
I resist.

Just enough to remind you I can, but desire not to.

I lift you into me. We move.
I give you my consciousness.
I take the flower you’ve offered.

You're succulent,

nourishing,

the antidote to my poison ...

My nectar

taken away ...

Your back arches as you push into me, head turned to the side,

I watch—slow, deliberate, then faster…

We’re safe.
We’re in control.
We can do this… together.

Please.

Teach me us.

My favorite book, I'll read us forever in delight.

I'll study you with all I have.

Your body relaxes and moves in waves as I drink you in, dancing lightly across the cotton field of the bedspread.

"Up" I command as I move to the corner of the bed and sit

I reach my hand once more. As you meld to my lap, my hands under your legs—I stand.

Your eyes wide, excited "I knew you could pick me up ... "

you divert your gaze for a second "wait, just ... be easy with me ..."

I'm puzzled ...

I will protect us

keep us safe

I pause

holding you in the air

"Look at me, remember to breathe."

I almost have to look up to her from here

our eyes meet,

we move together once more

"I promise ..."