Good Boy ... Spoken Monologue Preview An audio excerpt from Phrase
"You don't need me, you're strong enough on your own. You're a bad ass"
"I don't feel like it, thank you ..."
I stop
It's cold
Like a shattered crystal stem wine glass in slow motion as time freezes. I realize she's breaking, there's nothing I can do. The only one that can save her is herself.
Birds sing in the back ground as if to mock me for my hope. This is the time, say something... anything for fuck sake DO something, SCREAM something, do it, don't stay here you have to keep going, we'll all die like this if you don't.
"You are Radiant.
Luminous, vibrant, and bright. The only light I see when I hide in the darkness." DON'T, you idiot ... don't say that. ...
I pause, this is a thin line ... my shoulders tense, no false hope, be deliberate. Like a surgeon, or you'll hurt yourself.
"Don't worry, everything will come together. Nothing I do would matter if you weren't fighting, protecting yourself and ... " My right hand enters my pocket. "You're doing amazing things. You really are a big deal ..." Cold-steel I can see my breathe. "None of this is easy, and I admire you so much for everything you've overcame. You've got the fire in you again, and I know you'll burn them all. So if I can be any fuel you can use to keep going, then I'll be elated as they are swallowed by your radiant flames and turned to ash if you need to." I taste bad candy ... Sweet Pain ...
"You're color personified ... people try to dull you, and it's hard to recover from that, that subservient form is also passed down to children, so yeah, escaping that, not allowing it into your life and protecting people from it, it's absolutely badass." stop ... too close ... I shiver ...
"Happy isn't something you need to actively feel all the time. When you're actually happy, you don't need to tell yourself to smile, and when you're safe, you don't have to tell yourself not to be tense. A position where you don't have to hide yourself anymore, that's something to be proud of. I just wish that you could see you. " too far ... what is this ? ... dopamine ? ... it's too late.
Don't doubt yourself. but if you ever do, please know that I'm here, standing behind you to support you, walking beside you to fight with you, and only standing in front to shield you, when you want, but never to impair your forward momentum." I am your dog. I'm a good boy ... I want to belong ... my body aches ...
I look to the sky and curse how bright it is...
"You should write novels"
I tilt my head and Tik, an audible "click" from the left side of my mouth ...
"There's a lot you don't know ..." my warm breath condensing into vapor as I look to the sky ...
Breathe ...
After everything that has just been internally unleashed, the external response is small, casual, but I can't stop now. I've gone too far.
"I'm not asking you to change who you are as a person. I'm asking you to be deliberate, and knowing, and it's okay to make mistakes ... but, by taking accountability for those mistakes, I try to learn from it. I need you to be honest and real with who you are, because if you can't do that, then you can't be honest and real with anyone, not even me. I'm here as your friend, making a bid, to be your best friend, because I do not believe that if you are not my friend, that I could be in love with you. It is because I love you that I want to be your friend, your best friend, and what that means to me is emotional, and visceral, and honest, and true, and real, and vulnerable, so that I can have a space not for things, but for love."
