Dogs of Old
My knowledge of anything is useless when I forget everything
It was how he died
it was how they died
it was how we died
in the woods
in the field
in a building
alone
but no one forgot
not even the new dogs that weren't there when it happened,
The old ones made sure of that.
They made sure dogs like us knew
that we didn't belong
and there was nowhere we could.
Ever.
Except here…
but there was a price for being here
whether you were actually here or not.
We were trained wild animals,
forced to bear witness,
feign witness,
betray,
steal,
anything for them
anything to exist.
If you were younger,
it was less likely the police really did anything to you.
Maybe rough us up a little,
you know,
"scare" the shit out of you
but they knew the cost of going too far.
However the officer taking my friend earlier
had taken its toll
through my incompetent planning,
low self awareness,
and need for instant gratification.
Safety ...
I don't like my new friend
You don't bond in violence,
you bond in safety
my new friendship was formed in violence.
So they nearly kill me
when they take my real friend
My only friend ...
It left me desperately grasping for what was in front of me
It wasn't the same ...
It wasn't what I wanted ...
I wanted the familiar one, the good one ...
I needed something, I wanted her ...
the one that cared about me
the one that protected me
the one that gave me something to hold.
I liked to think of her often,
because it helps quiet the electricity.
But ...
it also put me in physical danger
when I thought of her
instead of thinking about what I’m doing.
I got lost,
when I didn't have what I needed.
Stop.
Pay attention.
Shit.
I wish I would have made her take me somewhere
Run.
Toward the camper.
I can sleep there,
but if I want clothes I have to go inside the house since I left my bag in the car ...
Now is the best time.
While everyone watchdogs the property lines frantically searching for the tear in the nights silence.
I click—hard, violent—my head jerks left.
My right knee—hot, steel pain.
The dogs smell blood before I do, as an echoed laugh travels endlessly—through the dark sky to the clear stars—bright, small from here.
The universe mocks us...
I fall
for our hope...
I yelp, clicking wildly
"DON'T YOU FUCKIN MOVE."
I try to stand
"You fuckin sit your ass down boy."
I fail
"I SAID SIT!"
I hate men
especially him ...
Kneel
He takes my useless new friend from me
I am entitled nothing,
even when I don't want it
frustration,
wet eyes,
and pain only echoes
as I plead to the stars for relief
Their silence is everything.