15: Just Next to You

Sometimes I'll play the lottery, a little more literally than I'd like

we don't like the word literally, I just need things to be clear.

you're already doing what you're doing, but things don't always make sense,

I'll never win

I don't actually like cold weather.
sometimes its nice
the wind breathes slow, easy,
but still, painfully harsh and sharp on it's exhale,
the snow sparkling enough to merit sunglasses

my truck has battery issues
so my electric seat is stuck in the recline position
from where I had to take apart the interior
I needed more room

The leather is frigid through my layers. The one time I wish I didn't have tinted windows is now for the sun's warmth

breathe

long pause, I forgot

and breathe again

but it is nice that you can't tell the smoke
from the condensation

I can't stay here

there's so many cardinals

I count
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, and 10
clicking in time

so many cardinals
a few black birds
but right now the red
is a nice contrast
to the white on the snow

it's like they're dancing
as they hop in short flaps
across the thick snow

I like the females best,
they're prettier
not menacing

still bright against the powdery white blanket
somehow more luminous,
more vibrant

I click

I just shoveled the exit to the garage
borrowing the neighbors snow shovel

mine broke last year
that usually is a thing i would have remedied
but not this time

there's too much going on
too many things broken
too many things not working
too many things damaged,
including me

The alleyway is not very clear,
people have driven down it.
Probably gotten stuck...
and an edit to rethink their course?

I'm sure they thought themselves unlucky during this time

Their large tires tracing an outline to the neighbors garage
they left their tail light behind,
and curious footprints examining the damage done.

You can't prove anything if you didn't see it,
especially to the police,

and closed minds...

I don't want to be here.

I used to go places...

We loved dine in restaurants
and I always thought it was nice to take the time
to be together.

It seems normal.

I have an aversion to furniture.
I like to sit on the same side of the booth as her,
but that is rare.

Normally I don't like people touching me,

it's nice when our shoulders kiss.

It's cold and our legs are warm wrapped together under the table

most places have chairs ... unfortunate ...

but, I still love it when we are here

Wherever we are,

she always has the best lines.

We're regulars,
so much that the owners wondered
if there had been a tragic accident.

Like in a movie,

since eventually we just,
quit going...

anywhere.

He wasn't wrong exactly

There are so many gulls in this parking lot all the time,

they're cawing encouraging us to play catch with the bread.

I love games,

we love movies,

I love this food.

We usually get the same things.
There is a little variance,
but the indecisiveness can be fun when its brief.

"Hmmm" she concentrates, softly

She can solve it on her own
she's much more intelligent than me,
especially cute in that way.

I love this feeling.

She knows what she wants,
what makes sense to her makes sense to me.
When she wants to try something new,
she does.
Simple, honest, true.

"You just want what I have" standing in the yard, she's vibrant.

The sun is low, glistening through her hair. The plants whisper of color they wish they could steal as their leaves and her hair dance through the wind.

I put my left hand in my pocket

she turns on her tip toes, I grasp the bottle tightly in my coat.

A simple look, as her head tilts.

The sky paints Twilight about her outline, as my head tilts in mimic

"Freedom" she radiates.

It's warm here ...

stop searching forever...

I breathe easy.

I feel it —I smile.

This time, I know — I can tell.

I click